The confidence to be

LIO Organisation

25 April 2020

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“To be” is the verb that defines us. We are as we choose to be at any time of our lives. We are happy, optimistic, confident, friendly, creative, loving, gentle, obedient, receptive, firm, conciliatory, demanding, etc. We are. And by the nature of our being to be, we can cover, solve, touch, shape the relationships around us. When we realize that “being” is the essence and the ultimate way of manifesting our “here and now”, everything flows smoothly and without impediments in our lives. It is a perpetuum that we live without feeling the difficulty of the life we ​​go through. When we free ourselves from all blockages and barriers, we can experience life. Living moment by moment, we actually experience the happiness of manifesting.

Everything is flow, it is fluent and non-stop through us.  The mind stops thinking and we only feel the joy through which we manifest ourselves towards others. There are no more barriers, limits, barriers.  The secret is just to accept what we live.  Let’s look with the eyes of the spectator who marvels at the scenes we go through, without marking by emotion what we experience. Emotion is the state of being. Everything flows smoothly, it doesn’t stop.

You do not know what is coming, you just feel that you are being pushed further by a flow that you can call: life, energy, faith, love, happiness, trust, will, acceptance, respect.  It’s all the joy of being. Here and now.

Freedom to be regardless of context consists in inner balance and self-confidence. It means to educate yourself, to look at things impersonally, without a direct address to yourself. It means accepting the situations in your life as being independent of your own will, accepting that you are doing everything you can to keep your own balance, and letting them be. Surprisingly, but change involves breaking up with what is no longer working in your life and your involvement in the tumult of the new that engages another way of being.
Adapting to change would be much easier if we only allowed ourselves to be: without judging, without bringing to the fore what we would like or how we would like to be, without imposing conditions or ways through which the external environment to “make” us happy. All we can control is how we feel, how we act, how we “allow” ourselves to be in those situations. We would thus discover that through a greater or lesser effort, happiness is in us, it comes from us and manifests itself insofar as we believe in it and feel it. Of course, the question arises: “how can I not be influenced by the conditions in which I live?”.

12 possible answers

  1. to be attentive and focused on my inner state and what I want to feel;
  2. to choose around me people who coincide with my inner state (ex: if I want to maintain my emotional balance, I can choose to interact more with the positive people I know);
  3. to choose topics for discussion that can be debated in a positive way;
  4. to find a way to protect myself from the negative influences of the environment in which I live: discussions, judgments or criticisms advanced by the people I live with (for example: I avoid discussions on account of negative and alarmist TV news);
  5. to choose ways in which I spend my time in activities that make me feel the joy of living: I choose to broaden my horizon of knowledge through different books as a topic compared to what I read, I deepen an interesting field of knowledge for me; I offer myself the joy of doing something for myself: through an hour of massage, through my favorite sport, through personal self-analysis in the therapeutic relationship (psychologist – client), etc;
  6. to start paying more and more attention to how I feel in certain situations, in relation to different people. Thus, I establish a greater confidence in the ‘feeling’ I have about certain situations, even if they tend to be presented to me in a gloomy manner;
  7. to start to rely on the positive in me that I feel when I am calm, balanced and amplify it in the relationship with others, transmitting to them a state of well-being, optimism, confidence that things are resolved;
  8. to propose to extract positive aspects from any situation, no matter how negative it may be (for example: a divorce can bring me the possibility of personal, professional evolution; contacting a health condition can teach me to take more care of myself ; a longer time spent alone can help me to know myself better, to establish a sincere relationship with myself, to start choosing for my own good and that of others with an open heart; to be in a critical situation, often it can help me find solutions, become flexible, learn how to handle myself, gain confidence in myself, accept change as a personal evolution and convince myself that it is really part of the specific Change is the only sure aspect of life, and it is desirable to adapt;
  9. to set noble goals that propel me to a new approach to life;
  10. to understand that my “good” may not be the same as the “good” of the other;
  11. to accept that everyone’s vision belongs to him and can only directly affect me to the extent that I allow, for example:
    a. “the boss is behaving badly to me” is a situation where I can learn to approach things differently, try to understand how I can comply with his requirements, choose to move my job or accept that he had nothing personally with me but he was just nervous or maybe I needed to negotiate my position;
    b. “my husband may have a negative opinion of me, a lack of trust”, I can try to show him that he has reasons to trust me, I can accept that this is his position towards me and I cannot change it as such I no longer allow myself to be affected, I can discover in myself resources that make me strong or give up trying to thank him;
    c. “my child is unrecognizable”, is a situation that most parents go through; children grow, develop, approach new ways of being, experience more than adults and are much more flexible than we are; parents may try to find out the cause of the behavioral change: it may be hormonal due to age, it may be a way to express the anger they have nurtured in certain previous situations, it may be a lack of healthy limits imposed by parents in the way transmitted education, can be a way in which the child experiences the power of resisting his own person to the conditions that are somehow imposed on him with the message: “Did you ask me?”.
  12. I can choose to let myself be carried away by the positive energy, the spontaneity, the beauty of the play of the children around me; I can watch them play and learn from them what it is like to be happy, what it is like to go from anger to happiness forgetting the reasons for previous resentment, rediscovering the faith with which a child talks about his dreams about what he will do or how will be when he will be big and applying in adult life; trying to understand my child’s anger by remembering what it was like when I was a child and feeling angry in certain situations, how I would have wanted my parents to react; what I wanted to say, to do to feel understood and accepted, so that my anger would decrease.

And when we focus on the positive side of things, situations or relationships in our lives, we find that we can accept that we are wrong but also those around us, that we are different from each other and that it is desirable to accept ourselves as we are, that crying and lamenting without doing anything do not bring us a change for the better, that asking for help is something natural and normal in our lives, that learning to change the angle from which we look at the situation helps us to find resources, solutions, to keep a positive tone and not least that we are surrounded by wonderful people who express themselves differently and who love us in different ways. And it is desirable to understand that our good is only ours, the other having only the possibility to share it with us or not. However, we can choose to materialize this “good” of ours without others feeling affected. Life is a choice of several options and an assumption of consequences.


Psychologist Viorela Coandă

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